As Years Go By
by ThrawnsGirl
Summary: Since the day Addison met Mark, she knew there was something between them. But then Derek happened. As her marriage seems to fall apart years later, she turns to him again, and suddenly finds herself in a complete mess with no idea how to get out and get her life back. Exploration of the Maddison backstory in the AU of my story In My Heart in form of flashbacks. Addek and Maddison.


**AN: See, I have a problem. When I read (or write) multi-chaptered fanfictions that create whole new universes, I always wonder what changed to make the AU happen. And I love exploring that in flashbacks. With **_**Everything Changed And My Life Is A Mess, **_**I wrote them into the story, but with my new ff **_**In My Heart **_**I decided to do it in a separate story. **

**Some of the later chapters include spoilers for **_**In My Heart**_**, so you should read that one first (at least the first 4 chapters or so). If you did that, here's some backstory, explaining what exactly happened between Mark and Addison over the last two decades.**

**(Oh, and because it's connected to **_**In My Heart, **_**I decided to keep the same format.)**

**x**

**Flashback 1: she will be loved**

_He was always there to help her_  
_She always belonged to someone else_

_(She Will Be Loved - Maroon 5)_

**x**

***22 years before***

Addison turned the salad on her plate around. Her first two weeks of med school had been completely different from anything she had expected. But it was good. It felt like the right decision.

She looked at her cellphone. A message from Archer, saying that he would meet her tonight. He was already in his third year and knew some people. Exactly what she needed because she felt so incredibly lonely. All her friends were back in Connecticut and she was completely alone in New York City, knowing no one but her big brother.

She flinched when she heard a deep voice. "Sorry, what?" She looked up to a muscular man, handsome, a wide grin on his face.

"I asked you if the seat was taken." He pointed towards the free chair on her cafeteria table.

"Oh. No, it's not."

"Good. May I sit down, then?" He didn't even wait for her answer, just placed his tray on the table and sat down across from her. "I'm Mark."

"Addison." She smiled at him. "You're first year, too?"

"Yeah." The man – Mark – began to eat his Mac'n'Cheese. "Gross Anatomy's tomorrow. You looking forward to it?"

"I do!" She quickly bit her tongue. "Sorry."

He laughed. "No, I like your enthusiasm."

"Really?"

"Yes. Keep it."

Her smile grew wider. This guy wasn't only really hot, he was also nice. Everything a man should be. If she were in a bar, she would have probably picked him up.

But now she was in a cafeteria, not so alone anymore.

**x**

She was already assigned to her cadaver when she heard the voice again.

"Addison."

She snapped her second glove on before looking at him. "Hey."

"I wanted you to meet someone." He pointed towards the man next to him. Handsome, dark hair and beautiful blue eyes. "This is Derek. Derek, this is Addison."

The other man's lips twitched into an almost-smile. "Hi."

"Hi." She tapped her fingers against the other palm, that weird thing she did when she was nervous. Why the hell was she nervous?

Derek turned to Mark and his words were probably intended to be a whisper, but she could clearly hear him. "Really, Mark, this is the sixth girl you've slept with since we got here."

"I didn't sleep with her," Mark snapped back.

"Then where did you meet her? And why are you talking to her if you don't want to sleep with her?"

"Who said I don't want to? We met in the cafeteria. Yesterday."

Addison interfered. "You know that I can hear you?"

"Sorry." Mark didn't look sorry at all.

But Derek, on the other hand, blushed. "I'm sorry, too. You know, he's a man whore. I'm not, though."

"Yeah." She smiled. "I hope so."

**x**

She liked him. Really liked him. Loved him, even. If she was _in_ love with him? Probably, right?

She had moved in with him after two months of dating, that had been four months ago. Mark said they were this disgusting couple that always held hands and kissed in the hallways, looked at each other with – quote - eyes that could probably impregnate her without even touching each other.

But that was the problem. Not the kissing and the touching and the looks. _Mark _was the problem. Because he was always around. She had known him first. She had had a huge crush on him in the beginning. Then she had realized what he was like. One night stands, affairs, girlfriends for a maximum of two weeks, sometimes two at the same time. Derek had been right, the day they had met. Mark was a man whore. But that didn't make it easier.

She had, eventually, let go of him. She had started to date Derek, things had gotten more serious, and everyone told them what a perfect couple they were. But sometimes she wondered what things would have been like, had she chosen Mark.

"Addie!"

She turned her head away from the water and the spectacular view on Manhattan to look at her boyfriend. Riding up and down Upper Bay on the Staten Island Ferry was Derek's favorite thing to do on the weekend, when they needed a break from studying.

"You're miles away. Are you okay?"

She gave him a smile. "I'm fine." The arms he wrapped around her warmed her in the cool spring breeze, and she placed a hand on his chest as he kissed the top of her head.

And then said hand touched something through the chest pocket of his shirt. A hard cube.

"Derek, what's that?" She asked, looking up at him.

There was a huge grin on his face. Why was he grinning at her? "You know, just…" He pulled out a black velvet box, and suddenly he was kneeling in front of her, the box revealing the most beautiful ring she had ever seen. White gold, a diamond in just the right size. And Derek was saying things, but the only thing she caught was "Addison, will you marry me?"

And of course she said yes. What else was she supposed to answer? He was just proposing to her in front of _many_ people, no more than seven months into their relationship. She couldn't hold back the tears because the ring fit perfectly, and the crowd was applauding, and he was kissing her deeply.

"Wait, what's going on here?"

She broke the kiss to look at Mark, who had just appeared next to them, in his hands the coffee Derek had ordered him to get - a brilliant plan to get him out of the way, she now realized.

"Addison, why are you crying?"

She wiped her face with her sleeve, then showed him the new ring on her fourth finger.

"You finally did it!" he exclaimed, his face amused. "You know, this coward here had that ring in his pocket for two weeks."

"I wanted to wait for the right moment," her boyfriend - no, fiancé_, _oh God, _fiancé _\- defended himself.

"It was the perfect moment," she assured him, kissing him again. "I love you," she whispered in his ear.

"I know that."

**x**

The first days after the proposal, she was as happy as one could be. But then doubts started to rise.

She ended up marrying him anyway. It was late summer of the same year, and she couldn't keep herself from staring at Mark because his tux complimented his shoulders so well, and he was accompanied by some blonde he would break up with a week later.

It was Derek's eyes hers were locked with as she said _I do_, but it was Mark's face in her head when she kissed her new husband for the first time.

Later, she didn't exactly regret it. But, again, there was this question in her head. _What if I had chosen him?_

**x**

**AN: I hope you like the idea of a few flashbacks (probably less than ten) to understand why they all did what they did. If so, let me know.**

**I'll update **_**In My Heart**_** today, too, and I'm almost through with that one, only two chapters to go!**


End file.
